How guys waste their time / Weird things guys do
[Update - 6th of November, 2008]
...
Holy crap, I cannot believe that this list still exists. Yes, I created this list 3 years ago, completely forgot about it, and I've rediscovered it in a twist of serendipity (I don't think I used serendipity correctly). Inconceivable! All the more so, since the "how girls waste their time" list has disappeared completely. The shame.
Anyway, I've updated it with 3 years worth of hard evidence of just how foolish we guys are.
[LAST UPDATED ON 6TH OF NOVEMBER 2008]
This was inspired by the "how girls waste their time list". Anytime you have a suggestion or objection, please feel free to use the comments. You can post much longer stuff in comments.
Note: This is a compilation. I'm not saying that guys do every single thing on the list.
1a) Gel their hair. Not only does this take up copious amounts of time and gel, this has also nurtured an aggravated sense of self-awareness. A virtual no-fly zone (and I mean both the verb and the noun) is the sad consequence, and any trespassing of any kind with be dealt with with overwhelming force.
1b) Spike their hair. Apparently it's supposed to seem even cooler than mere gelling. Effects on female audience can vary wildly, from gushing awe (if the hair and the face juxtapose to approximate the spitting image of a popular anime character/boyband member) to breaking out in uncontrolled laughter (if it resembles failed Cosplay. This happens alot, mind you).
2) Rant on and on about computer/xbox/ps2/gamecube games, not stopping even if they know that you have no idea what they're talking about. As of 2008, the ranting seems to have shifted online, where it's less noticeable and thus less annoying.
3) Start ranting on and on about computer/xbox/ps2/gamecube games without any provocation whatsoever, and only other game-obsessed guys can comprehend what they're ranting about. By the way, this also highlights their gross ignorance of the world situation around them.
4) Lug game consoles around. Like xboxes. Some guy brought his gamecube to school and left it in his locker, expecting to have time to play it during band camp.
5a) Read manga about girls (15-19 years old) who always end up in compromising situations/positions.
5b) Read manga about a guy who has the odd ability to cause girls (15-19 years old) to end up in compromising situations/positions.
5c) Spend time fantasizing about having the odd ability to cause girls (15-19 years old) to end up in compromising situations/positions. (Some guys I know take it to the next stage by actually forming battle plans.)
6) Wear pink polo T-shirts. Seriously, just how often do you see this happening?
7) Do all sorts of insane/artistically obscene/outright obscene stuff in sessions of "Truth or Dare". As of 2008, this seems to have been passed on. We can only hope.
8a) Play a guitar to impress a girl during church.
8b) Tutor the girl one on one on how to play the guitar.
8c) Sob uncontrollably when said girl turns to a real professional for guitar lessons. (Double the sorrow if the new tutor is hot, quadruple it if a relationship develops.)
9a) Play games such as Dance Dance Revolution and Para Para just to show off their (non-existent) dancing skills to girls or crowds of bored guys.
9b) Watch guys play games such as Dance Dance Revolution and Para Para just to show off their (non-existent) dancing skills.
10) Create story blogs to gain attention. (And later stop writing due to too much homework, a loss of interest, destructive criticism or all of the above.)
11) Get an addiction to one of several franchises such as Star Wars, Lego, Halo etc. Rant about how pro/cool/1337 the franchise they support is compared to the other franchises.
12) Watch anime. Mostly revolves around big robots smashing each other or other mechanically advanced civilization stuff. The greater the number of well endowed, high pitched, indecently dressed girls in it, the larger the amount of fanboys.
13) Boast about how pro their uniformed group is, and how other uniformed groups "suxxor".
14) Act (did I say act?) extremely gay in the presence of other guys. Basically, channeling the eunuchs in Chinese drama serials.
15a) Steal each others' food. Examples: small piece of scrambled egg, 1/20th of a sausage, 20ml of a drink, fishballs, mashed potato, french fries, gravy.
15b) Engage in brawls for partial segments of the aforementioned food. Yes, partial segments of partial segments.
16a) Get the idea that irritating a girl would result in her liking him.
16b) Continually pester said girl on MSN and over sms to go out with him.
16c) The girl ends up ignoring him and he thinks that she's just playing hard-to-get.
17) Stride and make arrogant, expansive gestures to show their dominance. Best results when watching a group of posers bounding along.
18) Allow a girl to use him as her floor cushion.
19) Make a foolish sucker bet with a girl which results in her having the privilege of dressing him up in a frilly white dress, complete with makeup.
20) Spend/Waste their money on strategy guides for games that they already are very proficient at. Grin at other guys and boast about the "advanced techniques" mentioned in the book.
21a) Join completely pointless online games just to show how good they are to " the world out there", after which, they will get bored of it and join another completely pointless online game.
21b) Persuade their friends to play aforementioned completely pointless online games. Facebook applications seem to be the apex of this trend.
22a) Sleepover at each others' houses. (Or crash one.)
22b) Invite girls along.
22c) End up sleeping on the floor and letting the girls take the beds.
23) Watch movies with a bunch of girls by themselves, and end up watching chic flicks. It's happening so often with both genders, I might not even call it weird anymore.
24) Acquire a sudden craving for peanut butter, then buy two 500 ml jars on the basis that it's on promotion, and sit on their beds for hours just licking the stuff.
25) Fake MCs to skip PE.
26) Continue lame jokes in the most degrading of ways. An old favourite:
"That's so stupid! Poking the guy's cheeks while he's talking to you! I'll show you the PROPER WAY to do it." *slaps the victim*
27) Play games like lieroX and say that other people should get a life.
28) Invite others to their house and let them watch themselves playing a single-player game.
29a) Start a war with rubber bands and other assorted handmade weapons like paper balls in the classroom.
29b) Receive actual injuries from colliding with whiteboard frames, cupboards, and power outlet control boxes in attempts to dodge previously-mentioned munitions.
30) Make tiny balls of blue tack, camp near the class window (three stories above ground) and drop them on unsuspecting victims ranging from sec 4s to cars. Guffaw at successful strikes.
31) Desire a close relationship with a girl so much, but once they're in, they're afraid of commitment and do little to bring the relationship along. (Is this weird? It seems symptomatic of most guys.)
32a) Go crazy when a girl takes slightly longer than the usual time to respond to an sms.
32b) Worry endlessly about what might be going on when a girl doesn't reply or replies with one word answers.
33) Follow dating advice from teen magazines.
34) Follow dating advice from E-books. Seriously, what?
35) While playing online games, accuse better players of hacking and lousier players of being stupid and arrogant.
36a) Attempt to imitate a popular comedian in order to impress friends and fail miserably.
36b) Attempt to develop a Chinese/British/Canadian/Indian/Pakistani accent in order to impress friends and failing miserably.
36c) Laugh at people who attempt to imitate a popular comedian in order to impress friends and fail miserably as well as attempt to develop a Chinese/British/Canadian/Indian/Pakistani accent in order to impress friends and failing miserably, saying that it's the funniest thing that they ever heard.
37) Insult people using chemical symbols. ( Gallium + Yttrium = GaY )
38) Smash the tops of plastic bottles so much until the bottle necks have sunk into the bottles.
40a) Taupok other people.
Taupok: tao-pock
[noun] a piece of flour usually found as an ingredient in a Chinese soup dish
[verb] to pile multiple people, and occasionally objects, on top of one unfortunate victim
40b) Taupok other people with chairs, effectively pinning the victim down.
40c) Taupok other people with chairs, effectively pinning them down, while poking the victim.
40d) Taupok other people with chairs, effectively pinning them down, while poking the victim, as well as stealing the victim's spectacles or tying his shoelaces together.
41a) Insult a girl in the presence of another girl.
41b) Try to apologise for it, making things worse, as the other girl adds fuel to the fire.
41c) Give up, both girls' opinion of him several notches lower.
42a) Compliment a girl by comparing her to another girl.
42b) Attempt to defuse the volatile situation with the explanation that it works both ways. For example, saying that "apples look like oranges" is equivalent to saying that "oranges look like apples".
42c) Give up, both girls' opinion of him several notches lower. Yes, the other girl will eventually find out. Never fall into this trap. Run if you have to.
43a) Buy expensive clothes.
43b) Buy expensive clothes that are too small.
44) When walking around the house, pretend to be a spy, peeking into rooms, muttering into an imaginary headset, pointing an imaginary gun at imaginary super villains and henchmen. And tiptoeing.
44a) Attempt to discuss fashion with girls and failing miserably.
44b) Attempt to discuss fashion with other boys and failing miserably.
45) Buy weird iPod skins and boast about them. Eg. The bloody special edition skin. "Oh yeah? My iPod has a bloody special edition cover!"
46) Draw caricatures of teachers on school desks.
47) Compare the lengths of their middle fingers.
48a) Advise other guys on romancing a girl, often getting them into trouble.
48b) Accept advice from other guys on romancing a girl, often getting themselves into trouble.
49a) Show their love/lust for a girl by "coding" the name of the girl they desire in their nicknames on MSN.
49b) Show their love/lust for a girl by declaring it on their online web logs, conveniently forgetting that their journals are often visited by friends and family.
50) Make pointless lists such as this one. Heh.
51) Having a compulsive, morbid fascination with the colour Pink.
52a) Attempt to prove their intelligence online by insulting other people, with a high percentage of crude and misspelled words in their comments. Attempt usually fails, and usually garners much derision.
52b) Attempt to prove their intelligence online by insulting other people, with a high percentage of crude words, but used a spellcheck. Attempt has a slightly lower probability of failure, but will still be flamed.
52c) Attempt to prove their intelligence online by insulting other people, with no crude words, and no major spelling errors. Attempts are usually ignored, and the guy turns emo.
52d) Attempt to prove their intelligence online by insulting other people, waxing lyrical with great dollops of wit, sarcasm and long impressive-sounding words. Attempt usually succeeds, but guy is later hit by remorse and shame for even bothering to do so in the first place.
52e) In all these scenarios, a guy fails. Stop attempting to prove your intelligence online. (Ha I make good joke.)
53) Coming up with the next big meme. My personal favourite? "THE POWER LEVEL IS OVER 9000!"
54a) Getting a Rubik's cube only because everyone has one.
54b) Learning how to solve a Rubik's cube so that with the hope that one can later teach it to a girl.
54c) Realise that most girls will only fiddle around with silly plastic toys for a maximum of 3 days. (Yes, I am aware of the innuendo here. Shush.)
54d) Discard Rubik's cube.
55) Camwhore. (Stop doing it. If you're hot, you're only encouraging those who are not, to do it. If you're not, find some other way of getting your self-esteem fix. Anyway, regardless of your looks, you're still ruining the shots of hot girls. Leave the girls alone.)
56a) Assume the guise of a female player in online games, and sweet-talk guy players into helping them with them good equipment/cash/power levelling.
56b) Abscond once the guy players get suspicious.
56c) Repeat processes 56a and 56b until game character is pimpin'.
56d) Feel no shame.
57) Engage in epic graphic calculator art. Who knew that Confucius would one day be rendered in black and white, 85x56 pixellated glory? (How'd you do the eyebrows? Pi's? You're a genius!)
58a) Laze in wading pools.
58b) Lie down on each others' stomachs to simulate lying on pillows.
58c) Get up, realising the homoeroticity of the situation, and awkwardly stare at each other.
59) Play games like Rock Band and Guitar Hero. (Alright, I'm biased, but what the hey.)
60) Spend an inappropriate amount of time on lists such as these when they should be studying for their A levels.
...
Holy crap, I cannot believe that this list still exists. Yes, I created this list 3 years ago, completely forgot about it, and I've rediscovered it in a twist of serendipity (I don't think I used serendipity correctly). Inconceivable! All the more so, since the "how girls waste their time" list has disappeared completely. The shame.
Anyway, I've updated it with 3 years worth of hard evidence of just how foolish we guys are.
[LAST UPDATED ON 6TH OF NOVEMBER 2008]
This was inspired by the "how girls waste their time list". Anytime you have a suggestion or objection, please feel free to use the comments. You can post much longer stuff in comments.
Note: This is a compilation. I'm not saying that guys do every single thing on the list.
1a) Gel their hair. Not only does this take up copious amounts of time and gel, this has also nurtured an aggravated sense of self-awareness. A virtual no-fly zone (and I mean both the verb and the noun) is the sad consequence, and any trespassing of any kind with be dealt with with overwhelming force.
1b) Spike their hair. Apparently it's supposed to seem even cooler than mere gelling. Effects on female audience can vary wildly, from gushing awe (if the hair and the face juxtapose to approximate the spitting image of a popular anime character/boyband member) to breaking out in uncontrolled laughter (if it resembles failed Cosplay. This happens alot, mind you).
2) Rant on and on about computer/xbox/ps2/gamecube games, not stopping even if they know that you have no idea what they're talking about. As of 2008, the ranting seems to have shifted online, where it's less noticeable and thus less annoying.
3) Start ranting on and on about computer/xbox/ps2/gamecube games without any provocation whatsoever, and only other game-obsessed guys can comprehend what they're ranting about. By the way, this also highlights their gross ignorance of the world situation around them.
4) Lug game consoles around. Like xboxes. Some guy brought his gamecube to school and left it in his locker, expecting to have time to play it during band camp.
5a) Read manga about girls (15-19 years old) who always end up in compromising situations/positions.
5b) Read manga about a guy who has the odd ability to cause girls (15-19 years old) to end up in compromising situations/positions.
5c) Spend time fantasizing about having the odd ability to cause girls (15-19 years old) to end up in compromising situations/positions. (Some guys I know take it to the next stage by actually forming battle plans.)
6) Wear pink polo T-shirts. Seriously, just how often do you see this happening?
7) Do all sorts of insane/artistically obscene/outright obscene stuff in sessions of "Truth or Dare". As of 2008, this seems to have been passed on. We can only hope.
8a) Play a guitar to impress a girl during church.
8b) Tutor the girl one on one on how to play the guitar.
8c) Sob uncontrollably when said girl turns to a real professional for guitar lessons. (Double the sorrow if the new tutor is hot, quadruple it if a relationship develops.)
9a) Play games such as Dance Dance Revolution and Para Para just to show off their (non-existent) dancing skills to girls or crowds of bored guys.
9b) Watch guys play games such as Dance Dance Revolution and Para Para just to show off their (non-existent) dancing skills.
10) Create story blogs to gain attention. (And later stop writing due to too much homework, a loss of interest, destructive criticism or all of the above.)
11) Get an addiction to one of several franchises such as Star Wars, Lego, Halo etc. Rant about how pro/cool/1337 the franchise they support is compared to the other franchises.
12) Watch anime. Mostly revolves around big robots smashing each other or other mechanically advanced civilization stuff. The greater the number of well endowed, high pitched, indecently dressed girls in it, the larger the amount of fanboys.
13) Boast about how pro their uniformed group is, and how other uniformed groups "suxxor".
14) Act (did I say act?) extremely gay in the presence of other guys. Basically, channeling the eunuchs in Chinese drama serials.
15a) Steal each others' food. Examples: small piece of scrambled egg, 1/20th of a sausage, 20ml of a drink, fishballs, mashed potato, french fries, gravy.
15b) Engage in brawls for partial segments of the aforementioned food. Yes, partial segments of partial segments.
16a) Get the idea that irritating a girl would result in her liking him.
16b) Continually pester said girl on MSN and over sms to go out with him.
16c) The girl ends up ignoring him and he thinks that she's just playing hard-to-get.
17) Stride and make arrogant, expansive gestures to show their dominance. Best results when watching a group of posers bounding along.
18) Allow a girl to use him as her floor cushion.
19) Make a foolish sucker bet with a girl which results in her having the privilege of dressing him up in a frilly white dress, complete with makeup.
20) Spend/Waste their money on strategy guides for games that they already are very proficient at. Grin at other guys and boast about the "advanced techniques" mentioned in the book.
21a) Join completely pointless online games just to show how good they are to " the world out there", after which, they will get bored of it and join another completely pointless online game.
21b) Persuade their friends to play aforementioned completely pointless online games. Facebook applications seem to be the apex of this trend.
22a) Sleepover at each others' houses. (Or crash one.)
22b) Invite girls along.
22c) End up sleeping on the floor and letting the girls take the beds.
23) Watch movies with a bunch of girls by themselves, and end up watching chic flicks. It's happening so often with both genders, I might not even call it weird anymore.
24) Acquire a sudden craving for peanut butter, then buy two 500 ml jars on the basis that it's on promotion, and sit on their beds for hours just licking the stuff.
25) Fake MCs to skip PE.
26) Continue lame jokes in the most degrading of ways. An old favourite:
"That's so stupid! Poking the guy's cheeks while he's talking to you! I'll show you the PROPER WAY to do it." *slaps the victim*
27) Play games like lieroX and say that other people should get a life.
28) Invite others to their house and let them watch themselves playing a single-player game.
29a) Start a war with rubber bands and other assorted handmade weapons like paper balls in the classroom.
29b) Receive actual injuries from colliding with whiteboard frames, cupboards, and power outlet control boxes in attempts to dodge previously-mentioned munitions.
30) Make tiny balls of blue tack, camp near the class window (three stories above ground) and drop them on unsuspecting victims ranging from sec 4s to cars. Guffaw at successful strikes.
31) Desire a close relationship with a girl so much, but once they're in, they're afraid of commitment and do little to bring the relationship along. (Is this weird? It seems symptomatic of most guys.)
32a) Go crazy when a girl takes slightly longer than the usual time to respond to an sms.
32b) Worry endlessly about what might be going on when a girl doesn't reply or replies with one word answers.
33) Follow dating advice from teen magazines.
34) Follow dating advice from E-books. Seriously, what?
35) While playing online games, accuse better players of hacking and lousier players of being stupid and arrogant.
36a) Attempt to imitate a popular comedian in order to impress friends and fail miserably.
36b) Attempt to develop a Chinese/British/Canadian/Indian/Pakistani accent in order to impress friends and failing miserably.
36c) Laugh at people who attempt to imitate a popular comedian in order to impress friends and fail miserably as well as attempt to develop a Chinese/British/Canadian/Indian/Pakistani accent in order to impress friends and failing miserably, saying that it's the funniest thing that they ever heard.
37) Insult people using chemical symbols. ( Gallium + Yttrium = GaY )
38) Smash the tops of plastic bottles so much until the bottle necks have sunk into the bottles.
40a) Taupok other people.
Taupok: tao-pock
[noun] a piece of flour usually found as an ingredient in a Chinese soup dish
[verb] to pile multiple people, and occasionally objects, on top of one unfortunate victim
40b) Taupok other people with chairs, effectively pinning the victim down.
40c) Taupok other people with chairs, effectively pinning them down, while poking the victim.
40d) Taupok other people with chairs, effectively pinning them down, while poking the victim, as well as stealing the victim's spectacles or tying his shoelaces together.
41a) Insult a girl in the presence of another girl.
41b) Try to apologise for it, making things worse, as the other girl adds fuel to the fire.
41c) Give up, both girls' opinion of him several notches lower.
42a) Compliment a girl by comparing her to another girl.
42b) Attempt to defuse the volatile situation with the explanation that it works both ways. For example, saying that "apples look like oranges" is equivalent to saying that "oranges look like apples".
42c) Give up, both girls' opinion of him several notches lower. Yes, the other girl will eventually find out. Never fall into this trap. Run if you have to.
43a) Buy expensive clothes.
43b) Buy expensive clothes that are too small.
44) When walking around the house, pretend to be a spy, peeking into rooms, muttering into an imaginary headset, pointing an imaginary gun at imaginary super villains and henchmen. And tiptoeing.
44a) Attempt to discuss fashion with girls and failing miserably.
44b) Attempt to discuss fashion with other boys and failing miserably.
45) Buy weird iPod skins and boast about them. Eg. The bloody special edition skin. "Oh yeah? My iPod has a bloody special edition cover!"
46) Draw caricatures of teachers on school desks.
47) Compare the lengths of their middle fingers.
48a) Advise other guys on romancing a girl, often getting them into trouble.
48b) Accept advice from other guys on romancing a girl, often getting themselves into trouble.
49a) Show their love/lust for a girl by "coding" the name of the girl they desire in their nicknames on MSN.
49b) Show their love/lust for a girl by declaring it on their online web logs, conveniently forgetting that their journals are often visited by friends and family.
50) Make pointless lists such as this one. Heh.
51) Having a compulsive, morbid fascination with the colour Pink.
52a) Attempt to prove their intelligence online by insulting other people, with a high percentage of crude and misspelled words in their comments. Attempt usually fails, and usually garners much derision.
52b) Attempt to prove their intelligence online by insulting other people, with a high percentage of crude words, but used a spellcheck. Attempt has a slightly lower probability of failure, but will still be flamed.
52c) Attempt to prove their intelligence online by insulting other people, with no crude words, and no major spelling errors. Attempts are usually ignored, and the guy turns emo.
52d) Attempt to prove their intelligence online by insulting other people, waxing lyrical with great dollops of wit, sarcasm and long impressive-sounding words. Attempt usually succeeds, but guy is later hit by remorse and shame for even bothering to do so in the first place.
52e) In all these scenarios, a guy fails. Stop attempting to prove your intelligence online. (Ha I make good joke.)
53) Coming up with the next big meme. My personal favourite? "THE POWER LEVEL IS OVER 9000!"
54a) Getting a Rubik's cube only because everyone has one.
54b) Learning how to solve a Rubik's cube so that with the hope that one can later teach it to a girl.
54c) Realise that most girls will only fiddle around with silly plastic toys for a maximum of 3 days. (Yes, I am aware of the innuendo here. Shush.)
54d) Discard Rubik's cube.
55) Camwhore. (Stop doing it. If you're hot, you're only encouraging those who are not, to do it. If you're not, find some other way of getting your self-esteem fix. Anyway, regardless of your looks, you're still ruining the shots of hot girls. Leave the girls alone.)
56a) Assume the guise of a female player in online games, and sweet-talk guy players into helping them with them good equipment/cash/power levelling.
56b) Abscond once the guy players get suspicious.
56c) Repeat processes 56a and 56b until game character is pimpin'.
56d) Feel no shame.
57) Engage in epic graphic calculator art. Who knew that Confucius would one day be rendered in black and white, 85x56 pixellated glory? (How'd you do the eyebrows? Pi's? You're a genius!)
58a) Laze in wading pools.
58b) Lie down on each others' stomachs to simulate lying on pillows.
58c) Get up, realising the homoeroticity of the situation, and awkwardly stare at each other.
59) Play games like Rock Band and Guitar Hero. (Alright, I'm biased, but what the hey.)
60) Spend an inappropriate amount of time on lists such as these when they should be studying for their A levels.
posted by On and On Anon at
5:22 AM
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